I first ventured into the world of Twitter in early February 2007. While I can no longer access those initial, tentative tweets, I assume they were insightful statements about the world around us and current events, not just an informal list of when I was hungry or needed to go to the bathroom.

Since that time, I’ve posted over 5,200 pieces of wisdom. I’m no math expert, but that comes out to an average of 230 posts a day for the last three years. That’s a lot of Twittery. That’s dozens of dozens of hours I’ve devoted to observations and quips and photos of ducks. String all that time together and I may well have lost an entire year of my life pecking away at my keyboard and greasing up the touchscreen on my iPhone.

I guess what I’m trying to say here is that you’re welcome. There’s a lot of sacrifice involved there. In fact, I’ve more than once considered outsourcing my Twittering. I even tried it for a while, but the creepy little man I hired to follow me around tweeting my important thoughts and events mainly just typed things like “HE HAZ NO PAAAANTS” or “HEY R U LOL?”. I had to let him go. I also had to let him get slapped by my hand.

At least I’m not expected to deal with inane trending and tracking for my Twitter feed. No, I leave that up to the professionals at sites like tweetstats.com. That’s how I learn facts like how my Tweet Density is greatest around Noon on Sundays BUT NOT SATURDAYS because then I tweet the most around 6PM. I also don’t tweet much at 5 AM in general. My top words used are apparently know, thats, time, good and going. This is likely because of a six month experiment in stand-up comedy style tweets that I did, all ending in “then you know THAT’S a good time to get going.” For instance, “When you set her cat’s fur on fire, you know THAT’S a good time to get going.” That experiment went about as far as my previous real world experiment, rockets powered by actual rocks. That is to say, it didn’t go very far.

How will Twitter be viewed in the future? Will subsequent generations view this as the beginning of an age of unprecedented access to information or the dawning of never-before-seen global self-involvement. Who cares? Listen, Twitter isn’t about yesterday or tomorrow or an hour from now or an hour ago. Twitter is about the moment and Twitter is about me, dammit. I’m not here to reply to your musings or retweet your attempts at jokes. I’m on Twitter to give you an up-to-the-very-second account of my minutiae and actions. Sandwich I just ate? Ham and cheese. Times gone to the bathroom today? 9 (back off, it was a cleansing day).

Twitter is about me, just like it is for 5 million other users.

Anywho, the point of this ramblefest is not to bore you with science. The point is to let you know that I miss you, Dear Visitor. I miss saying things to you and having you read them and chuckle or cry. I miss your comments like “OMG LAME” or “needs more laughing” or “DRAW PICTURE ON COMPUTER”. Basically, I miss your attention. I intend to win it back. So I’m going to start writing here every week with accompanying illustrations (sorely lacking from this post, but you haven’t made your intellectual attention down payment yet). Here are some pictures I drew on a whiteboard to celebrate the new year:

This is not a promise or vow or guarantee. I just want to start posting here every Monday. I hope that you will check back weekly and should I slip or stumble or entirely forget about you, I hope that you’ll forgive me and check in later in the week or four to twelve times a day until something new posts. Each week I’ll talk about something different that may or may not have anything to do with me (next week, for instance, will in theory be about Twitter, but will mostly be about me using Twitter).

Slap me up into your RSS feed reader thingy or follow my Twitter feed and I’ll let you know when the new frivolities begin. Including this, I expect to have 52 shiny little blogicles by the end of 2010. It’s nice to think that as I settle into my hover chair deep in the moon hole, I can look back and think “I did it. I really, really did it.” Then I will snicker. “Moon hole.”

b

For instance, I recently did an illustration showcasing the new Blambot font Squiznor. It is this:

I’ve also done things like this here Boba Fett:

That’s it for now! Just wanted to get more current. Be sure to follow me on Twitter if you want to get immediate updates from the Awesome Factory.

b

Quick rundown of stuff that’s going on in my world:

• I started a new job with the Meals On Wheels Association of America, at which I’m a Director (full title pending). It’s very exciting and has been a great experience so far.
• I’m still coloring the Flobots webcomic, which is also a great experience. I’m having to learn new techniques and such in a hurry since it updates three times a week.
• I did some more design stuff for Tereu Tereu, a band that has a new album coming out soon. I’m not involved in the album art, but they are doing a limited run CD thing that I did the sleeve work for.

There’s probably more, but I can’t think of anything right now.

How are you? What are you up to?

b

Milestones and Political Apathy
I’ve heard a lot of nonsense this week about how people are making too big a deal about Obama being the first black president. Most of it comes from the naive viewpoint that his race is ideally irrelevant and how any progressive nation should just view him as a person and not an African-American. That’s all well and good, but blowing off a milestone of this magnitude is more a response to not wanting to deal with the sociopolitical structure of our nation.

From this point forward, since this particular die has been cast, race becomes a non-issue in politics. This doesn’t signal a perfect America or the end of racism. This isn’t a shining moment because suddenly butterflies are erupting from cotton candy cloud. But it’s important. Obama’s election is the moment in which change begins to happen, but not just the kind he built his platform around. Every child’s history book going forward will suddenly show possibility and hope. A type of equality that changes the protocol of 232 years of American politics.

I didn’t vote for Obama because he was black. And despite insistence to the contrary, most people didn’t. While I don’t agree with everything Obama stands for, I felt he was the most qualified candidate for the position and stood a better change of leading us closer to an America I’m more interested in living in. I’m glad he won on those grounds alone. For the actual campaign and election, I couldn’t care less what color he was. But now that he stands as our first black president, that should be recognized and celebrated. Obama’s election is a milestone. Pretending it’s not is apathetic and showcases a lack of understanding of the very structure of America and the struggles it has taken to even to get to this point.

That being said…

Prop 8 And Backwards Motion
I have yet to see a compelling reason for California Proposition 8, which was actually listed on the ballot as Eliminates Right of Same-Sex Couples to Marry. We have actually been through an election in which a proposition designed to eliminate rights was approved. This is horrifying, Stone Age thinking.

Step away from the actual issue for a moment. I’ll get to that shortly. Let’s look at the fact that this amendment proposal was put out to strip away a right that had already been granted. On a civil rights level, this is a social atrocity. Rights have been taken away and people were okay with it. At this point, let’s take away minority voting rights. Why not? What’s the difference? Let’s get some racial segregation going again, too. I’m sure minorities pose just as much of a threat to the organizations who backed Prop 8 as those horrible, society-threatening gays do. Rights were taken away. Rights. How does that happen in 2008? We’re never going to get the flying cars and sassy robot maids that The Jetsons promised us if we keep moving backwards.

A lot of the pressure for Prop 8 came from religious groups who feel same-sex unions threaten the sanctity of marriage and the very foundation of society (like the state of Massachusetts, which has broken down and completely stopped working since legalizing gay marriage in 2004). What it really comes down to is a threat to their way of belief and there’s a feeling that their sense of society will crash down around them if two people of the same gender marry. The ability for religious groups to back an initiative to affect state legislature is frightening. As a citizen, you may think that gay people doing their gay thing is icky or whatever, but what purpose is served by not letting them have the same basic rights as you? What’s the harm in marriage being an institution between two people, not two people of opposing genders?

I will actively and openly listen to opinions on either side of this issue. I will not accept answers that deal with the religious nature of marriage because they are irrelevant. A lot of weddings happen in churches, but you’re not married until your local government signs off on it. I will not accept answers that involve homosexuality as “wrong” or a “sin” because believe what you will…sinners get married all the time. I need a valid, rational, secular argument on the other side of this because until I get one or until this situation is resolved, I am angry and will actively seek ways to turn the tide.

Any takers?

b

David and I got off work at 6:00 PM and went to represent, civic-duty style. After voting, we went back to David’s, where I got to work setting up our own little situation room area. It was the perfect setup as we could see David’s gigantic TV perfectly for election results and there was enough room for his computer, my laptop, and my Cintiq (the fancy drawing tablet I use). Here’s basically what it looked like:

Yes, I was drinking coffee out of a Tigger cup. You’ll be okay.

I’d gotten everything pretty well set up by 7ish when I received a phone call from Carmen, who was on the side of the interstate with a flat tire. She was only a few exits down and David and I jumped into action. By 7:45, we were back at the apartment, greasy hands pounding away at our respective keyboards in preparation for the big event.

The first hour was a blur. Between catching up on prep time lost to our being Nascar-efficient tire-changing badasses and the election results that were already cascading in, it actually got a little stressful. I was still figuring out formatting quirks as comments started coming in, so we responded to those as quickly as we could. We got some decent traffic according to our tracking thingy, so I’m happy about that. If we do something like this again, I’m not going to leave all the formatting stuff to myself, as it got a bit frustrating while I was trying to do my retarded drawings and load in David’s tidbits at the same time.

When they called the election for Barack Obama at 11PM our time, we were rather surprised. We’d intended to go on for at least another hour or two. The 11PM update reflected our genuine shock at how quickly everything happened. In retrospect, we probably should have said something about McCain’s gracious concession speech and Obama’s powerful acceptance, but we were kind of tired.

We ate pizza, consumed a lot of Diet Coke (and eventually I had coffee) and had a grand time overall. David made a good point part-way through in that neither of us were even paying attention to the race or rooting for anyone, we were just wrapped up in the absurd nonsense we were producing. And after all, isn’t that what election night is all about?

Well, no…I guess not. But it was for us. Election 2008, mothercrunkers. We…were there.

b

It will be an interesting evening of facts, truths, factual truths, and truthful facts. Just keeping hitting your little refresh button from time to time and see more of our knowledge nuggets rolling in as the night progresses.

THESE STORIES ARE TRUE.

b

David and I started the whole Tank and Sniper thing while playing various first-person shooters like Call of Duty 4 and the Halo games. It was clear in our playing that we had completely different approaches when it came to attack. David, like some sort of ‘roid-raged monkey, would go charging into battle, guns blazing and arms waving around. I swear there were times he had already stomped through an entire level and handed the enemies their faces before the rounds even started.

I, on the other hand, have a more conservative (wussy) approach. I’m the guy on the hilltop picking people off with a sniper rifle or handgun or grenade. I’m a lot better at attacking from a distance than David, who would rather run up and shove the bullets directly into people’s skulls. I have the patience it takes to snipe, where he does not.

Thus was born Tank and Sniper. I don’t remember what game we were playing when we coined it, but it’s been an ongoing joke for some time. We actually started referring to each other by those names. Not over XBox Live or anything…THAT would be absurd. Just across the living room from one another.

“Good job, Tank.”
“Thanks, Sniper.”
“Let’s go get a burrito.”
“Awesome.”

b

I’ve written a wedding, comics, plays, short stories, a musical (unfinished…just the words at this point), a screenplay, and countless other things. There’s a scale to this project that’s daunting and exciting. I intend to write 1,000 words a day (not much more or less), which isn’t a HUGE time commitment, but we’re looking at months of work. I’ve never been good with projects that take me longer than one session, but I have to in this case. Having outlined it, I’m quite excited about it.

David is writing a book, too. His is in a different vein, but we both decided we’re decent enough writers to hold people’s interest for a book-length piece of time. I think it’s going to be a bit of a race to the finish as we’re going to start on the same day, but it’s not a competition in the sense that our topics are pretty different. The tone of our stories (mine, at least…who knows what David’s going to hammer out) will be nothing like what we’ve been co-drafting over at These Stories Are True (plug!).

I’m thinking about keeping a word count tally here on the site as I bang away at the story. I think that might be a good way to keep myself going. Prodding from others if they don’t see increase at a rapid enough rate should motivate me. We’ll see. It’s going to be a lot of work.

So that’s it. The next big thing. These Stories Are True will still continue. And other projects. But this is the big one. My ramp to becoming an internationally-recognized famous writer. Or just another guy with a terrible manuscript. Only THE FUTURE can decide!

b

David and Meggie. Mr. and Mrs. Cochran. Mr. and Mrs. Garcia. Beloved friends, family and colleagues. Everyone else. Marriage. Marriage is what brings us together today. Marriage, the blessed arrangement, that dream within a dream. We have come here to celebrate the marriage and intertwining of David and Meggie, who have fallen deeply in love and chosen to get married in our presence.

It is the belief of some that our lives and destinies are already laid out deep within us and that life itself is the process of being willing to discover the direction of our path step by step. Others believe that life is a free-wheeling free-will jamboree during which we find our own way and blaze our own trails. Some people feel that our lives are all contained within the dreams of a sleeping giant, destined to all end in a flash when his or her giant alarm clock goes off on his or her giant nightstand.

In any case, we can all agree that people, such as David and Meggie, have weddings, like this one, and enter into a marriage. Marriage itself is a nurturing matrix within which two individuals can continue to expand and develop as their singular selves. In this view, the focus is not solely on the couple and what they may undertake together, but just as much on the individuals who compose that couple and what they have to contribute through their lives, how their union serves to enlarge and develop each of them. It’s a process of striving for personal destinies, but doing so hand-in-hand.

Although this may appear on the surface to be a less romantic vision of love, it is a view that holds a relationship in the highest spiritual regard, for it has as its underlying assumption that each of us is alive for an important purpose and that marriage enhances the capacity for one to excel and succeed. Like individual Lego bricks, two come together to form what is, essentially, a larger Lego brick. That larger Lego brick becomes a vital part of the foundation of our society, which in this case could be a large castle or pirate ship. Without this two-piece, larger Lego brick, the castle or ship is smaller and less useful and more apt for crumbling. Our world is strengthened as each Lego connects to another.

David and Meggie have stretched their individual development so far that they are no longer wandering around and laboring in solitude to discover themselves. They have come upon each other in their personal quests and realized that they are incredibly and wholly in love with one another, a love that brightens their lives in ways they could never know on their own. Their love inspires and occasionally sickens those around them as it is pure and bold and undeniable. We celebrate with them their arrival at the gateway to true and conscious loving. Let us be happy for this wonderful landmark in the journey of their lives, this love that has brought them, and us, to the joyous occasion of this marriage.

---

I have known David for a third of my life, but it’s only been within the last few years that I began to spend what we can all agree is far too much time with him. It was during this period that David met Meggie, a presence in his life that would eventually clarify for him who he wanted to be as a person. Their love for one another is obvious in everything they do, be it something blatantly romantic or as simple as a conversation over dinner. I catch them looking at each other from time to time when they don’t know that I see them. All I can see on their faces is straightforward, uncompromising love. Sometimes that might devolve into a silly face or “the look”, but the foundation is always there and apparent. Their love is an encouraging example that there is a perfect match for everyone, even someone like David.

It’s an understatement to say that life has changed substantially for both David and Meggie since they met. There has been adversity, to be sure, but there are many stories about people who’ve gone through worse and come out the other side all the better for it. These stories are true.

David, you are my best friend, my writing partner, and someone for whom I would consider maybe taking a bullet. Meggie, you have become a close friend, an occasional maker of meals for me, and someone who won’t let me put my feet on your coffee table. I am honored and pleased to be here performing your ceremony. I look forward to watching the two of you charge wildly into the future together because it is said that the family of the 21st century is made up of friends and I am proud to be part of yours.

---

There is no moment without meaning, no undertaking without significance. We ask that you both, together and as your own wonderful selves, be honored and expanded by the promises you are about to make, the marriage you are about to create. And may love, the destiny above all destinies, be always in your midst, the handmaid and the master of your marriage.

---

Having been reminded once again of the deep value of the love you feel as well as the strength of your individual presences in this union, I ask of you these questions. Do you, David, choose to marry Meggie in order to provide her with a lifetime of love, respect, adoration, humor, and awesomeness and also to create with her a loving home for the rest of the days of your life? Do you, Meggie, choose to marry David in order to provide him with a lifetime of love, respect, adoration, humor, and also to create with him a loving home in which he can play video games from time to time for the rest of the days of your life?

---

David and Meggie have chosen to write their own vows, so I’m going to let them take over. (David first)

---

Rings are created solely for the purpose of being worn. On their own, their value is small no matter how high their price. Rings are made precious by our wearing them. They carry our meaning; they say who we are, where we have been, and where we are going. Worn, they become us and reflect us. These rings are a symbol of our truest essence and the bonds we have to one another. They are also very shiny, like the light with which you fill one another. They are also made of metal, which makes them hardcore and lasting, like your love. And they’re round, like love also is somehow.

You each will wear a ring on your finger as an outward expression of the way you wear each other in your hearts. These rings will remain forever, reminding you that even in solitude you are never alone. A reminder that before too long, they will clink together the next time you are able to grasp one another’s hands.

As a sign of my love
and that I am choosing
to share my whole life’s journey with you,
and of my knowing that in marrying
you I shall become much more than I am,
I give you this ring,
with the pledge
that with you
I shall become most truly myself
and offer such gifts as I have
and I am to the world

---

Now having freely chosen to continue your growth and development in your own ways while strengthened by this union, knowing that you’ve taken up the task of clearly seeing, knowing, and supporting another human being, and having honored one another with the gift of your rings, I now pronounce you husband and wife.

---

May all that you have already become, which has brought you to this day, and all you will become as a consequence of it, in the lifelong joining of your hearts and minds continue to show you your purpose. May you always be brought most beautifully and steadfastly into the presence of yourselves and of one another, and may you live long and happily fulfilling all that you are. Just remember, above all, to be excellent to one another.

Ladies and gentlemen, it is my pleasure to introduce Mr. and Mrs. David C. Garcia

In the interest of full disclosure, I borrowed liberally from Weddings From The Heart, but heavily re-wrote the content. Most of what I took directly was structural.

There’s also a less true account of this ceremony over at These Stories Are True. Enjoy.

b