This string of e-mails just occurred that reminded me how much of a dork I am. Perhaps it was somehow destined to occur for that very reason…to remind me of my purpose, my very destiny. Or maybe a bunch of guys are kind of bored at work. I’m not going to identify the other two participants to protect their coolness and respectability.

I have to warn you now that the term “douche bag” is thrown around rather regularly during this discourse.

Original E-Mail: “Be advised that [such and such client] will soon change [IDs]. Stand by.”

My Awesome Response: “Red Five standing by.” And then it continues (with me in bold).

“Red Five is Luke Skywalker. I don’t think you are as whiny as Luke Skywalker. ”

“Well, thank you. I appreciate that. What was Wedge? Red Two? I’ll be Wedge.”

“Just don’t be Porkins, because he has the worst name of all time.”

“You know, Porkins was also the corrupt cop in Batman.”

“The one who said ‘Where you been spendin’ your nights Jack?’ Dang. At least he got smoked in that movie too.”

“Yeah, Wedge is Red Two according to wikipedia. Who said ‘Just a peckin’ on the surface?’ I want to be that guy. Wasn’t Porkins the guy how was trying to pull up and crashed? Douche bag.”

“Porkins was the fat guy, making his name all the more unfortunate. Seriously, though, the rebels lived on a moon with limited resources. How was there a fat guy? And I always thought it was “just impacted on the surface.” That, I believe, was Red Leader. I think he led the first attempt.”

“I don’t know who that was, nor do I really know what that guy says. You said ‘peckin’ and I recently said ‘skimmed,’ but ‘impacted’ also crossed my mind just now. either way, Porkins was a douche bag in both Star Wars and Batman.”

“True. Impacted it is. there’s also a fat guy on Lost, which I always wondered about because they’re on an island. which is kind of like a moon with limited resources where fat douche bags who blow up and then play corrupt cops in Batman are found.”

“It’s sort of baffling in the first season, but then they find the magic hatch that’s got a huge food storehouse. Maybe Porkins didn’t have his own quarters and slept in the rebellion’s rebellious pantry. And was a sleep snacker. A rebellious sleep snacker.”

“It’s the ‘Mysterious Fat Guy When There are Limited Resources’ Hollywood phenomenon.”

“Ha ha…I might have to put this whole conversation on my website.”

“Dude this is hil-AR-ious. Put it on the website. Did Porkins fly the X-wing or Y-wing? Brandon?”

“X-Wing. He was in the Red Squadron, after all. Gosh.”

When people ask me what I do at work all day, a smile always crosses my face. “Oh you know,” I’ll say behind a coy facade, “the usual. Same ol’, same ol’. Anyone want to watch Star Wars and Batman back-to-back!?”

b

Filed under: Dork Stuff, General, Movies